Yes-But Exercise #1 — Fly on the Wall

As promised, here is the first of several Yes-But exercises; others will follow every few days. We’ll be sharing a variety of different types of exercises, so you can use whichever ones work for you and skip the others. They'll get progressively more challenging as we go on. We hope you will find these useful in building your Yes-But savvy.

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Exercise 1 — Fly on the Wall

Look for opportunities to listen for Yes-Buts in contentious conversations that don’t directly involve you. It’s a lot easier to notice a Yes-But pattern when you’re on the outside looking in, rather than stuck in the middle of it. This may happen in a meeting when your coworkers start arguing over the latest budget numbers, or in a store when you overhear children protesting about the candy or toys they’re not allowed to buy. Perhaps the easiest way to find a Yes-But conversation is by turning on the television. From confrontational interviews and political debates to petty arguments on sitcoms and reality shows, there’s no shortage of polite (and impolite) fights on the small screen. See how many Yes-Buts you can catch, and notice what kinds of effects they have on communication. What’s the impact on people’s ability to make decisions, solve problems, or understand each other’s point of view? When do they seem to help someone achieve his or her goals? When do they get in the way?

(If you come up with any questions or observations in doing this exercise, we'd love to hear them!)